A couple of months ago, as I waived my eldest daughter off to her first day of her first full time, graduate job, a number of thoughts buzzed through my mind.

Firstly, how proud I was of this beautiful, intelligent, creative, hard-working and resilient young lady who had got through so many challenges and was about to graduate with a fantastic degree and was already embarking on a new career.

Secondly, how on earth do I have a graduate? I mean, I’m not old enough surely?!

And thirdly, I found myself thinking back over many of those moments of feeling completely out of my depth, like an out of shape athlete desperately stumbling for the finish line as I tried to steer my precious child towards adulthood, fearing she wouldn’t make it and wondering why on earth God had chosen me for this overwhelming responsibility!

It had certainly been an exceptionally challenging responsibility. I’m not going to describe it here – it’s her story too, one she’s quite open about, but one for another day.

At times I’d been desperately praying. Praying I wouldn’t get things too irreversibly wrong. Praying she’d make it to her 18th birthday, even that I could keep her alive and safe to adulthood, praying that she’d actually finish school, preferably with some decent qualifications, that she’d get all the way through university, that she would realise her potential… Sometimes catching myself praying as if my responsibility stopped at adulthood and I would be able to breathe a sigh of relief once she got there.

But we know that’s not what parenting is. You never stop parenting. Seeing your child turn 18, or graduate University doesn’t mean the end of your responsibility. What your children need from you changes, but they still need you. Very much.

As I walked back into the house, Jesus’ words in John 3:3 were running through my head:

“Truly, truly, I say to you, unless one is born again he cannot see the kingdom of God.”

I thought about the concept of being ‘born’ again and wondered why of all the analogies Jesus used during his ministry, on this occasion he used a picture of a birth to describe entering eternal life. Of course, there’s the obvious – we are starting a new life, so being born again – this time in spirit (John 3:6) – makes it an ideal picture. But still, I started to wonder whether there might be more.

So often when we think about our mission to “go and make disciples of all nations…” (Matthew 28:19) we focus on the birth – people praying ‘the prayer’ and committing their lives to Jesus. We celebrate their new life, their name is written in the book of life. Job done.

But in the natural we don’t just deliver a new baby and let it fend for itself.  We aren’t like bull sharks who give birth to live young who immediately swim away and are left to get by alone.  Even as our baby grows and flourishes in independence, we continue to nurture, guide and support him or her. For life.

So why do we think it is any different for those who are ‘born again’ in the spirit?

I know that most of us aren’t simply trying to drag people across the line of salvation to clock up another name on the list and earn heavenly XP. We ensure people are joined to a church, we encourage them to do alpha courses, we make sure they have a bible, we encourage them to be baptised…

But what then? Just as I parented my daughter through her childhood and caught myself anxiously hoping I could get her to 18, as if I would no longer carry the responsibility beyond that, do we sometimes have a short-term view of our parenting responsibility for new believers?

Last week I had the privilege of serving in a massive Christian youth festival. On the first night I prayed with two young women who were choosing to follow Jesus for the first time. Soooo exciting!

As I was reflecting on these new baby Christians, and wondering what adventures lay ahead for them, I thought about what God had been saying to me about birth. Were they going to leave the festival and be left to fend for themselves, or were they going to be nurtured and supported on their journey to the fulness of life God has for them, and become all that he has created them to be? Looking across at their youth leader and the love and compassion in her eyes, I knew they were in good hands.

Matthew 28 goes on to say:

“Teach them to do everything I have commanded you. And remember that I am always with you until the end of time.”

Everything I have commanded you – that’s a lot. Even the disciples who were with Jesus didn’t grasp everything:

Matthew 15: 16 Jesus said; “Don’t you understand yet?”

John 14: 9 Jesus replied “I have been with all of you for a long time. Don’t you know me yet Philip? The person who has seen me has seen the Father. So how can you say ‘Show us the Father?’”

We’re human. We make mistakes, we fail to understand, we fall to temptation… so teaching someone everything Jesus has commanded is a lifetime’s work. I think that’s one part of the reason Jesus says he is always with us until the end of time. We need his help and his presence because this is an ongoing process, a lifetime of discipleship.

My daughter has graduated university and started a new job, yet still needs my guidance, help and support with all sorts of things. Just like I still need my mum and dad.

(Just as an aside, as we’re talking about birthing new Christians, it’s worth remembering Jesus is doing the birthing not us. I spent so many years feeling responsibility, and disappointment, with every person I told about Jesus who didn’t immediately become saved before I realised it was Jesus who did the saving, not me! Phew, pressure off!!)

All believers, however long ago we were ‘born’ again, however grown-up we seem, still need spiritual mums and dads around us to help us grow, to guide and support us. We all need discipling. No one has got it all completely sussed. The disciples with all their flaws, mistakes and misunderstandings show us that!

One of my favourite phrases for the last couple of years has been ‘disciples who make disciples.’ I like to add ‘who make disciples, who make disciples, who make disciples…’ The process doesn’t end with someone being saved, or baptised, completing a bible course, or even discovering their calling. It’s an ongoing process to love, guide and support people, who will in turn guide and support others, to love and follow Jesus.

Matthew 28 isn’t the only place in the new testament when we are taught to teach and encourage others. Hebrews 3:13, 1 Peter 4:10, Titus 2:4, Ephesians 6:4 just for starters!

“The next day Paul and Barnabas left for the city of Derbe. They spread the Good News in that city and won many disciples. Then they went back to the cities of Lystra, Iconium and Antioch (which is in Pisidia). They strengthened the disciples in these cities and encouraged the disciples to remain faithful.”

Acts 14: 20-22

Paul and Barnabas established new churches in many countries. But they didn’t simply move on, leaving the new baby Christians alone. They made sure they checked back in on them, strengthening and encouraging them. When Paul couldn’t go himself, he would send others on his behalf, write letters, and above all, pray.

There are countless other instructions and examples of discipleship throughout the new testament. And even in the Old Testament we see examples of discipleship. Look at Moses and Joshua, Namoi and Ruth, Elijah and Elisha…

I feel personally challenged about how much input I am giving to those who I perhaps paid more attention to when they were spiritual ‘babies’ but have neglected as they have grown. Or those who come into my life who are already ‘born again’ and I assumed needed nothing from me, or thought that I have nothing to offer.

And on that point, let’s deal with that lie from the enemy right away. Everyone who loves God has something to offer – no matter what their spiritual age. If you feel like you have nothing to offer, kick that thought into touch – or better still, extinguish it forever – it is a lie designed to stop you being effective, and to stop other people from benefitting from your input and support in their lives.

It’s not only those who are spiritually younger than us who we can support. As children grow, parenting quickly stops becoming all one way. When my daughter was a baby, she depended on me for everything, but now she now helps and supports me with all sorts of things too.

We need each other. We all need to be discipled. We need to be in community. We need to be in churches, in small groups, in family together.

Proverbs 27:17 “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.”

Remember the disciples were together in one place (Acts 2v1) when the Holy Spirit came upon them. They began their ministry from a place of togetherness.

When Saul met Jesus on the road to Damascus, he was sent to see Ananias for instruction.

Following his meeting with Jesus, Paul modelled discipleship – he checked in with the other disciples when he needed to (for example to get agreement on the subject of circumcision), and he discipled others – both ‘baby’ Christians, and those who had known Jesus long before he had.

Even when he couldn’t disciple in person, he discipled via letter. ‘Alone’ in prison, he remained connected with other believers. His letters from prison are littered with greetings from and to those believers.

That brings me back to my earlier question. Who am I discipling / parenting, and who is discipling / parenting me? How can I encourage and support other Christians and help them grow in the middle of the craziness of life. Parenting my daughter (and my other children), has taught me so much and helped shape me into the person I am today. So how can I develop my spiritual parenting journey?

Well I’m still working on that. Prioritising my walk with Jesus is the first step. Not beating myself up for what I haven’t done or can’t do, but asking God where to focus my time and my capacity. Allowing others to speak into my life. Sending encouraging messages when someone is on my heart. Listening to those promptings of the Holy Spirit and acting on them. Not listening to the lies that I’m not good enough, I have nothing to offer, others would be better… and remembering that ultimately it is God who is Father. I just have to be obedient to what he is asking of me, the rest is down to him.

So step by step, little by little.