Last Sunday a few of us were enjoying Church breakfast (yes, breakfast – I love our church!), munching croissants and chatting.  I find it’s often these informal times when God speaks to me most clearly – usually about something he’s tried to point out many times in the past.  Conversation turned to joint bank accounts.  A bit heavy for first thing on a Sunday morning?  Maybe, but then no topic is off limits at this church!

As I listened, I was quite surprised at the range of views – and practices – of some of my Christian friends.  I had always thought that it was fairly normal practice for married couples (Christian or otherwise) to pool all their resources into one bank account, or at least to both have access to any or all bank accounts.  After all, they have promised each other, “All that I have I share with you…”.  But here, in church, there were different experiences that made me stop and think.

Now I’m not going to express a view on a right or wrong way to manage money.  It was apparent there were sensible, practical reasons why some couples might have different arrangements.  But what happened was that God spoke to me, very clearly in the midst of the conversation.

He told me that his bank account was a joint bank account.  He only had the one, and that I was a named account holder.  I had unlimited 24/7 access to all his resources – not simply financial, but strength, peace, patience, mercy, grace, forgiveness, righteousness, joy, love… what a bank account!!

Great!  But what he went on to say was rather more challenging!

With all God’s resources at my disposal, I don’t need my own account.  He and I have made a commitment to each other and he has given me access to all his resources. 

Yet I have kept my own ‘secret’ bank account.  Secret in that I don’t like to admit to it or talk about it, despite the fact he knows it exists.  Whilst I draw on God’s resources for big crises and major problems, I draw on my own resources to juggle my kids and home life, to manage childcare, deal with migraines, perform well at work, help others and so on.  I rely on my own strength every day and yes, God props me up, but I find a bizarre satisfaction in knowing I’m managing to juggle my complicated and hectic life myself (however many balls I drop along the way).

But why?  Why, when I have access to the limitless resources of the King of Kings, Creator of the Universe, would I want to keep and use my own resources?  How much better and bigger are his?

One of the first words I would use to describe myself is ‘independent.’  I always have been.  Aged 10 I tried to persuade my Mum to let me travel to Moorfields Eye Hospital in London on my own – to save her taking my three younger brothers out of school to take me to an appointment.  I knew the way, I understood what trains I needed to get, I knew not to talk to strangers… I couldn’t understand why she refused.  (In case you’re wondering, I completely get it now and there is no way my 10 year old would even get on a train on her own, let alone go to London!).

But God hasn’t called us to independence.  If anything, it’s independence he’s saving us from!  Independence saw us making wrong decisions, thinking we didn’t need God, drifting away from him, getting into difficulty, being bogged down in sin…

So what if, instead of being quite so independent, I asked God for the strength and wisdom I need at work each day, not just those days that are particularly stressful?  What if, instead of nursing my migraine and trying to summon up the energy to deal with that really difficult member of staff, I went on a short walk and asked God for healing, patience and understanding?  What if, instead of getting cross that the kids were yet again messing about at bedtime, I withdrew an extra helping of love and joy from God’s account?

God has nudged me time and again about being less independent, and finding strength and peace in him.  But there is something in the bank account image that has put it more vividly into perspective.  I am a named account holder to all heaven’s resources. God doesn’t want me to keep a ‘rainy day’ fund, a stash hidden away in case things don’t work out with him, a holiday or treat fund.  There’s no need.  He doesn’t want me to struggle in my own strength, and find my own joy and peace in situations when he’s given me his. 

So I’m ditching my own account.  From now on it’s God’s strength, God’s peace, God’s joy, God’s patience… If you see me, challenge me.  Did I meet my deadline because I worked through the night drawing on every extra scrap of energy I could summon up (plus several coffees and half a dozen mars bars), or did I meet my deadline because my wonderful, loving saviour, gave me the strength, energy and wisdom I needed to get it done (even if I had to work through the night in the process)?

What’s really exciting is that if you’ve read this far (I do have a habit of writing – and talking – a lot), you either already have a relationship with God, in which case you too are a named account holder to all of heaven’s resources, or God’s probably tapping on your shoulder ready to embark on a wonderful relationship with you that will be challenging, fulfilling and life changing!

First written 6th July 2012